Dane is (almost) two!

Two years ago today, at 11:05pm, my water broke.  Nothing about becoming a family had come easily for Jonathan and me, so why should Dane's birth go as planned?  Just like us to create a little drama in a drama-free scheduled c-section.  :)

It was a Thursday.  My c-section was supposed to be Monday morning at 7am.  I honestly think he just ran out of room.  I gained 27 pounds during my pregnancy, and he was a whopping 8 lbs, 13 oz, and 22.5 inches of that.  He was 99th percentile for weight and off the charts for length.  Which is funny considering he's a scrawny guy now.

I had a (nearly) uncomplicated pregnancy.  A little placenta previa, along with an easily treatable thyroid issue were my only "problems".  I felt fantastic for pretty much every second of the 38 weeks and 6 days I was fortunate enough to carry Dane.

And I was 100% certain that I was going to make it to my c-section.  I'd had some uncomfortable (but unproductive) contractions starting earlier that week, but no pressure, no dilation, and nothing consistent.  In fact, I hadn't even packed my bag.  I had all weekend to do that, right?  (If you know me, it is absolute insanity that I did not have my bag ready to go from the day I found out I was pregnant.)    Earlier in the afternoon, I even thought my water broke, took a trip to the local hospital to find out that it had not, and got home in time for dinner after spending a couple hours being monitored.  Jonathan had been on edge all week long, practically begging me to pack my bag.  The pseudo-water-break was enough to convince me that I should indeed pack a bag, even if it was just to get him off my back.  So we ate dinner in front of the TV for pretty much the last time ever and I packed my bag and showered.  I only had one more day of work before welcoming our new baby into the world!  Little did I know, I had already worked my last day for many weeks.

I had been in bed for five minutes.  I was in that not-quite-asleep-but-definitely-not-completely-conscious state when I felt a pop.  I gasped.  Jonathan didn't even ask.  He just called his parents and told them to get in the car, hopeful that they would be at the hospital by the time Dane was born.  (They had an 8 hour trek.)  It took us 45 minutes to pack the car and contractions were becoming a little more irritating during the frenzy.  We hopped in the car.  Just as we got on the highway, I thought, "well, this isn't very fun."  It was no longer very funny that we weren't at the hospital yet, which was still two hours away.  And when you're measuring time in 2-minute increments, 2 hours is a hell of a long time.

We stopped at a gas station about midway because apparently, even being in labor, pregnant women still have to pee every five minutes.  I prayed that my child wouldn't be born in a Quik Trip bathroom stall (even though they are really nice gas stations) as I tried not to attract too much attention from the attendants.  This is not easy when you're nine months pregnant, have a HUGE wet spot on the front of your pants and shirt, and your husband is asking for plastic bags in hopes that the car's interior will not be ruined.

Pregnant folks:  people who tell you that contractions feel like really strong period cramps are straight full of shit.  There is nothing to compare this pain to.  Not.one.thing.  I do know this: nothing less than every muscle in your entire body is involved.  I don't know how women scream.  I couldn't speak, hardly even breathe.  And there was so much paperwork!  Hadn't I pre-registered??  After five hours and 41 minutes of this, I hadn't even dilated one bit and no one in L&D could feel Dane's head.  Several nurses remarked "good thing you're planning a c-section, because you'd be having one anyway."  I received my epidural a few blessed minutes before Dane was born.

My dad calls a c-section "the airlift."  Dane was "airlifted" out at 4:46am on Friday morning, July 16.

I cannot believe he'll be two tomorrow.  We've been calling him a two-year old for a couple of months now, but I can't help but wonder where the last year went.  In some ways, when he turned one, it felt like one.  We had earned that first year, all of us, and I was not sorry to say goodbye to his infancy.  But two?  Really?  I've actually enjoyed the last year and it's gone.  I ask him to snuggle now and he shakes his head "no," laughs and says "Mama silly."  It's going to seem like no time at all before I ask him to snuggle and he laughs and says "Mom, I'm late for basketball practice."

How is it that someone can make you feel so old and so young all at the same time?

This Mother's Choice

Ok, folks.  This might ruffle some feathers.

Dane was born via elective Cesarean Section.  I know, I know; how very uncool of me.

Jonathan and I decided before we were ever pregnant that if we were blessed with a child, he or she (or they!) would be delivered by c-section.  I wanted, for once, to feel like we had some control over what happened in my uterus.  And after 3+ years of waiting for our child, we felt uncomfortable leaving anything up to chance.  I understand that there are increased risks for the mother and infant that are associated with a c-section delivery, but I kept thinking of all the horror stories about cords wrapped around necks, fetal distress, etc.  Not to mention all the women I know who went through horrible, intense labors only to end up with a c-section anyway.  Not only did those women end up with all the issues that vaginal birth creates (I am not even going to go there) but also a big ol' scar and all the issues that go along with c-sections (again, not gonna go there).

Some of the arguments against c-sections:

Women have been doing this naturally for thousands of years.  This little nugget is usually spoken by someone who had an epidural.  and delivered in a hospital.  with her ipod playing in the background.  (Nothing wrong with any of those things, by the way.)  Seriously, this is the stupidest piece of "knowledge" I have ever heard.  Women have also been dying during childbirth for millions of years.  "Nature" had failed me for three years already, and if it wasn't for medical intervention, Dane would never have been born.

Your body was born to do this.  Oh yeah?  My body was also born to get pregnant.  Oops.  I think "nature" missed that one too.

The recovery time is longer.  Um, nope.  Not for everyone.  I had less pain, took less narcotics, and had many less long-term issues than any of my friends who delivered around the same time as me.  In fact, when my mom called me the day after Dane was born to see if I needed her to bring anything to the hospital, I asked for a disposable razor.  I shaved my legs 36 hours after Dane was born (and did a damn good job of it too).  Also, I was going places with him by myself when he was three weeks old.

Due dates aren't always right.  This is completely true.  I know that estimated due dates are just that: estimated.  But not in our case.  Because Dane is an IVF baby, we knew the exact moment he was conceived (Halloween 2009!).  There was no mistaking it for us.

Even though a c-section was planned from the beginning, I had placenta previa.  It resolved itself at about 32 weeks, but a low-lying placenta does not usually allow for a vaginal birth because the mothers don't typically progress.  Also, Dane was measuring 5 1/2 weeks ahead from the start.  One of the doctors in the practice even told me "nothing good comes from delivering a child this large vaginally."  Well, except the child of course :)  They were worried about how large he was and would have continued to monitor me and request that I consider early induction if his growth continued along that path.  But because I was already scheduled for a section, they felt comfortable without the extra ultrasounds.

My doctor's office only scheduled c-sections after 39 weeks (very responsibly), so Dane's birthday was to be the Monday after I turned 39 weeks.

Dane had other plans.  My water broke the Thursday before my scheduled c-section at 11:05pm.  Labor hit me like a truck.  I was fully unprepared to deal with contractions.  Dane was born Friday at 4:46am.  In the almost six hours I had been laboring, I did not dilate.  Dane would have been born via c-section anyway.  And at 8 pounds, 13 ounces, 22.5 inches long, boy am I glad he was!

The truth is, if you want to deliver your baby in a river wearing only beads while a doula tells you how perfect and beautiful you are as a child rips out of your body, do it!  That's your choice.  If you want to allow your doctor to induce you because you will lose your mind if you spend another second pregnant and are approaching or past your due date, that's your choice.  And because it's your choice, it's also the perfect choice for your baby in the same way that my choice was the perfect choice for Dane.  As mothers, some of the first decisions we are responsible for making are about the birth of our children.  And we have to make those decisions based on what doctors tell us and what we feel in our hearts.  I'm not advocating for elective cesarean sections, I'm advocating for people to respect a mother's choice about how her child comes into this crazy world.