Broken Hearts Healed

Sunday is Easter.  It also happens to be our sixth wedding anniversary.  (Happy Anniversary to the best husband ever!)  As happy an occasion as an anniversary should be, when April 8th rolls around, I am always a little sad when I remember our second anniversary.

We were in Florida at my grandmother's funeral.  I was positive that our second IUI attempt had failed but was having trouble reaching our fertility clinic for confirmation.  I had just learned less than a week ago that my sweet sister-in-law was pregnant.  As excited as I was to be an aunt (to the world's funniest, most handsome nephew), I was completely heart-broken.  When the preacher mentioned my sister-in-law's pregnancy during the funeral, I didn't just feel a "lump" in my throat.  I felt like my throat had just been ripped out -- Patrick Swayze - Roadhouse style.

I was trying to be there for my dad, but I was coming apart at the seams.  I managed not to cry during her funeral.  I didn't want someone to think that I was crying for myself and not my grandmother, even though very few people in attendance knew about our fertility struggles.  I temporarily pulled myself back together for the car ride to the cemetery.  Just as we parked our car, I received that phone call I'd been waiting on.  Yep, not pregnant.  I felt like I could handle it though.  I had been taking home pregnancy tests this whole time and I was well-practiced at seeing ONE line.  I knew I wasn't pregnant anyway.  I could deal with this.

As I stepped out of the car and walked toward the burial plot, I saw my dad.  The weight of it all hit me.  The best dad in the world was burying his mother.  On our anniversary.  And I may never know what it's like to be a mother; I may never give him a grandchild.  My spirit was crushed.  The tears came.

My dad and grandmother her last Christmas (2007)

This year's anniversary plans:  Easter egg hunting and celebrating springtime and being alive with my sweet son. I hope one day he understands how much he did for us just by coming into our lives.  He reminds us how joyful life can be.  When Dane was one day old, I updated my FB status to read "My heart is healed.  Three years of disappointment and broken dreams were worth it.  This is the child we were supposed to have all along."  I still feel this way.  I can't believe our blessings when I look at him.

Isn't this face just the definition of "joy"?!

I wish you and your family the kind of joy that Dane brings us every day.  Happy Easter!